It's not easy, this thing called being a daddy. I watch from amazingly close proximity and I wonder what it's like to love the children that traveled in another's womb and suckled at her breasts. Of course, that phenomena of love is nothing new, but I must dare to marvel at its' wonderment. I've never experienced that kind of sacrificial love that is born without the strong bestowing bond of relationship.
Love that chooses must be even greater than my own and to watch my husband, it is all I imagine it could be. Though he has the ties of blood, the history of ownership belongs solely to me. I ponder if he has ever thought of the triangle of parenthood that way. Does it sound odd or selfish for me to offer those words? Perhaps it is, but I have oft wondered how daddies are filled with love for their little people from that first second.
Amos, our fourth child, our third son, our boy with extra special needs, is not always easy to love. Of course, he was like most babies in the beginning, though not quite as rambunctious. At three years old, he resembles more of a toddler and associates daddy with rough play, wrestling and tussling and chasing, rather than ball throwing and tricycle riding. To see daddy is to hear my son mock growl and then giggle. It means chase me, get me, love me and my husband does, again and again. A relationship born and maintained without words is one that will leave you breathless.
Amos has never said Da-da. He has never kissed his father or hugged him. He has never talked to him or asked me when daddy would be home from work. He has never pleaded with him to purchase a piece of unneeded junk from the dollar store. He has never asked for one thing except love. Never with words, but the little boy laughs and grows and I imagine he is begging daddy to chase him, throw him, kiss him and love him. I watch a daddy do all those things and I notice how often his green eyes look close to brimming with tears. He loves and adores this boy and I am honored to know and witness this love to which I am the stranger in a foreign land.