Every Bride Needs Something Blue

Tales Of An Educated Debutante

on life, loss and the joy that rules the day.


The future is far away and scary, but today is lovely.

Adrian H. Wood, PhD



Friday, November 11, 2016 Adrian Wood Comments (7)

I have been lumped into a group of the viIe. I have been defriended, told I was wrong, referred to personally as being deplorable, silenced briefly by hurtful words and placed into the category of white privilege. I am White, but am I also privileged or does that adjective travel by law with my color?
The definition of privilege by Webster's is described as, "a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group of people." Certainly all white people are not privileged because poverty crosses color lines. Maybe it's less about color and more about economic status truthfully.
I'm not rich, though my parents probably are. My husband and I have four children and he is trying to buy into a law firm or start his own if that doesn't work out. I don't work per say, though I am busting my ass at this writing thing and my plan is for it to be financially beneficial for my family. Maybe not to purchase food or clothing, but certainly to pay property taxes, rising health care costs, contributions to empty college funds, and to tithe a bit more to our church. We have school loans which will be paid off in another 13 years and our health insurance is now over double our mortgage.
I relish freedom. Perhaps I have watched too many documentaries on North Korea but I deeply value the rights afforded to me and admittedly, through no work of my own. Freedom of speech, the right to vote...neither taken for granted by me and yet, I am obliterated for being one of the few that voted. One hundred and forty six million of Americans of voting age did not even register or show up to cast a ballot and yet, I have been cast aside for my thoughtful and intentional choosing of a candidate, a right afforded by our constitution.
You want my truth? I voted for Obama eight years ago, but I really don't like Obamacare. I voted for Roy Cooper this go round because I think the bathroom law is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I voted for Trump because my family is drowning in medical bills and all we can buy is crappy insurance. I can't buy a policy that meets the needs of my darling son. I swallowed my pride and have applied for Medicaid not once, but twice and been denied. The benefits of Medicaid for children are spectacular and nearly identical to the benefits of federal employees. Why can't I buy insurance that is as good as Medicaid? $43,300 next year for medical expenses and today my pediatrician called to tell me that BCBS has denied every test that he requested. I'm so tired of arguing and fighting and being broke.
My family is desperate, ashamed and admittedly the once silent middle class. If I speak, I am accused of white privilege because I have food and health insurance. What about the school loans we have been paying for 12 years? What about the credit card debt for $13,000 that only includes the therapy visits for my special needs son? What about the physical therapy we haven't been able to afford since the spring? There must be others like my family that are too embarrassed to speak up, shameful to admit they have debt and no savings, worried because they have done everything right and still can not make proper ends meet.
I can handle the accusations, part of the rights that travel with free speech mean I will gratefully turn the other cheek. I speak now after deciding that my silence only fueled the misconception of who voted for Trump. I must be true to myself and the hope I have for families in my community. I care so very much about them. I really do. Our four children are part of the minority at their wonderful title 1 schools. I have raised money for swimming lessons and personally shivered for one month in a pool so that children could save themselves. My husband and I have collectively volunteered to coach over a half dozen seasons of soccer and basketball combined. I have signed up the same child nine times for recreation sports. We have reached out to his family, taken him to see the ocean for the first time in his ten years. It's just an hour away. He has studied at our table and joined us for family dinners and we have talked about his future. We are hoping he will be granted a scholarship for Camp SeaGull this summer. As for my children, I have applied for a position in the same camp's health center as I want them to have the same opportunity and it is a luxury we can not afford if not.
I have been writing a blog for nearly a year now. Over the last two days, I have lost over one hundred followers. Do I like seeing my numbers plummet? No. Am I desperately trying to reach 10,000 so I can try to obtain a publishing contract? Yes. Does my family's financial well- being depend on it, particularly my special needs son? Yes. It's worth it to me though as I vowed a year ago that I would be transparent and truthful and so I speak. I choose not to falter on my promise. If you want to invite your friends to like my blog, that would be great. If you want to erase me and my words from your life, that's okay too.
Just know that I adore my community and want the best for the children that spend their days with my own. It's just a little town in Eastern NC on the Albemarle Sound, but the people here matter. I don't need to travel a thousand miles when I can ride my bike a few blocks. I want the children that I call by name at our one elementary school to have options and opportunities. I have this son, Amos, too. He is three and can only say Mama and we need a diagnosis and testing and more therapy. We are desperate and saw no way out with the alternative plan, so we gambled. After tonight, I'll get back to business though my heart longs for a truce of understanding.

Anonymous commented on 11-Nov-2016 09:43 PM
This election has been humbling. It shines a light on my flaws. I am most definitely not a gracious loser. I am still justifying my lack of graciousness because I feel sure that had Trump not won, his supporters would undoubtedly be less gracious. I don't know this, I think it in my head and believe it to be true; it's the same thought pattern I get upset about with regards to Trump. I didn't like the choices, but I need to believe everyone is doing the best they can...it's not so much about policy for me, it doesn't have to be for me, because I am not in your shoes or many other people who voted for Trump for reasons that had nothing to do with my unease...it is easy for me, I'm not having to sacrifice anything (like being able to live and provide care for my family when I am trying so hard to make things work) but I feel hurt and disappointed that we did not insist on a representive who spoke and behaved with decorum and decency. It would have cost us, but right now, my mind only sees a lot people justifying their vote and support of man who spoke and behaved in a way that was hurtful, over and over and over again. We teach our children values and love in our homes and communities, I am 100% behind that, but if they see that those values (kindness, respect, refrain from name calling and mocking other) can be ignored and excused, who are we really? And it is interesting to me that so many are singing a very different tune about the basic human decency that is required to rise to the top and represent us when it's not in their best interest...now, we should teach those values at home, the how the president acts/speaks/behaves doesn't matter that much? Standing up for human kindness suddenly doesn't seem to matter so much. I want to so much to come around and understand and feel more compassion in my heart, but so many have drawn such hard lines in the sand about behavior in the past that it is a hard thing for me to understand and/or excuse their total change of heart. A gay man who is an upstanding citizen who was a Boy Scout growing up and wants to lead a troop, not allowed...because of his sexual orientation. People have no trouble getting behind that. (An example, not in anyway directed at you.) But we can be ok with a president who speaks hate about so many. My question, essentially, and sincerely is where do we draw the line, and no one seems comfortable even responding to that one.
Newsletter Signup commented on 11-Nov-2016 10:59 PM
Adrian...your precious Amos may have few words now, but YOU have many profound words. Just as you don't want him...or the rest of your family...in a shadow, take pride and comfort in your truth. I respect your opinion and your vote and the light you chose to share. Bully's come in all colors and ages....don't let them dim your light.
Anonymous commented on 12-Nov-2016 08:51 AM
Sometimes the gift of being transparent and honest is challenged by anger and hostility. That being said, the gifts you have been given truly make you a person admired by so many, even those with opposing viewpoints. That's life, for better or worse, that is just life. Perhaps we will learn to be more tolerant of viewpoints that differ from our own. Perhaps we will realize that criticizing each other is vastly different from taking a deep breath and talking things out. Perhaps . . . that would be a good start Love, Moi
Newsletter Signup commented on 12-Nov-2016 09:26 AM
Bravo!!!! Yes we have been silent too long. I work hard with pleasure that I am able at the young age of 72!! The people that have left your blog are probably not effected by the same issues as you. I applaud you and I can't wait to say I knew you before your book was published!! With kindest regards. Annette
Anonymous commented on 12-Nov-2016 09:31 AM
I appreciate your thoughtful blog post and I resonate with much of what you say. Being from eastern NC myself I understand the economic climate and the struggles of it's people. I applaud your honesty, your concern for your community, and your Southern etiquette. I wish you all the best in your commitment to making a lasting difference in your family and in the world around you. I love the picture of your precious children.
May God richly bless you,
A Southern Lady
Dan O commented on 12-Nov-2016 09:00 PM
Life is a long, hard road in my view. You have a beautiful family that brings you joy during the trying times; all times really. I too supported Trump, after first voting for Ted Cruz in the primary election. Hillary was public enemy No.1 and had to be stopped. I spoke up when I needed to do so. So called friends stopped following me on Facebook. A first cousin implied that I was a racist. She and I likely will never patch that up. I have written her and most her family off, believing that we no longer have anything in common. I would rather spend my time with people, relatives or not, that seem to make some sense to me. Hang in there. Somehow, relationships that matter will surface.
Jennifer commented on 14-Nov-2016 04:05 PM
Dear Adrian, As a pediatrician and Hillary supporter, I read your post with interest and found that we share several concerns (affordable, accessible, high quality health care, particularly for people with chronic or complex conditions) despite our differing opinions in who best can lead us to solutions. I found Donald Trump's behavior during the campaign to be beyond the pale, but I have accepted that he won the election and will be our next president. Moving forward, I hope our country can turn away from the cult of personality (Trump vs Clinton) and focus instead on the issues. It seems that Speaker Ryan will likely be involved in health care policy. Ivanka Trump appears to have her father's ear and has expressed interest in issues regarding children. I plan to contact both of them to ask that they support continuing the protection for patients with preexisting conditions and improving coverage for children who need multimodal therapy for complex conditions.
Peace be with you and your beautiful family.

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Thank you for your respectful, friendly, on-topic comments! I LOVE THEM. Because I want My tales to be encourage a positive environment for my readers, my family, and myself, I have and will remove offensive, inappropriate, or generally rude comments. I abide by proper Southern etiquette.

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