I can't help myself. I am trying to get a signal. I have posted on my blog and who knows if anyone likes it? The first hour is always key and I am left stranded. I recognize that this is ridiculous and head to the Magic Show with my family. Later, I realize the expense of wireless internet is $89 per day. Anyone that knows me, knows now that the decision is clenched with my thriftiness. My countdown begins. A long leisurely dinner amidst children and then bedtime earlier as I am not glued to my phone.
I have been up for two hours but laying in bed. Amos still asleep and I would rather pretend to be asleep than to be lambasted by him, dragged to the donut buffet before 8am. My mind is a whirling dervish as I miss my morning routine of coffee and Facebook/ news reading on my phone. I recognize though how much more time I have for thinking with this taste of freedom of time. It's 8am and I'm taking a shower. You heard that right, a shower. This plethora of time may be worthwhile at least to those that encounter me usually in my pajamas at this time. It's not 11am and I am a full convert. I'm more relaxed than I can remember and though I admit I slept until 8 and have no household chores looming, it is more than that. Russell and I talked on our room phones this morning and I was struck by the fact I've never heard him say hello as he answered a phone. My own son had never used a phone yet I spend a quarter of my life on one and truthfully, maybe more. I head over to his room where he disclosed he was unavailable for lunch as he "was getting used to room service".
I never realized how many moments I miss. Today I cuddled my daughter on a ten minute bus ride to swim with dolphins. I noticed the sun in Russell's hair and took pictures as they entered the turtle tank. I have spent way more time talking to people that I don't know, unglued to my phone and available to speak to the wait staff, other small children besides my own, and moms of little people with autism, Down's Syndrome, adult children in wheelchairs, and ones with little people in glasses. I have had time to ponder the lives of those we have encountered this week and watched people from afar, people who have stories that mirror my own, mirror our own. We all have a story and some stories are tougher than others. I watch a family of three girls and watch them grin at their middle daughter, Blair's age but developmentally younger, happy to play in the toddler splash pad with her younger sibling and Amos.
Just four minutes after midnight and I'm awake writing my reflections as I listen to the waves and feel the ever so slight turn as we head around Cuba, towards the Bahamas. I guess my phone is technology but really just a typing tool, no internet or Facebook, no email, no checking voicemail. I wonder if I have missed anything? Perhaps some accolades on my writing? That is what I unfortunately must admit that I have missed. Sad but true. I think though, I am weaning away just like I did with yummy cigarettes two months ago and perhaps my brain will grow clearer as I engage more in the world around me with much less focus on the world I would like to create.
I forgot to even write anything. I got so used to being unplugged that it even slipped my mind. Instead, I dug for whale fossils, went down a borderline dangerous water slide, swung from ropes (unsuccessfully I might add), and wallowed in a hot tub while watching Beauty and the Beast while consuming an icy cold, scrumptious Bloody Mary.
The Weekend After
I am awake now after a three hour binge on Facebook, all the while editing submissions, responding to comments, emailing my kind doctors at Duke, and thinking that I held off on bingeing all day. Tomorrow I will allow myself thirty minutes over coffee and one hour at bedtime. It is so shameful to admit those amounts like they are at all reasonable and within normal parameters. Guilty once again and please do not point out that it was actually not a whole week; I operate on the school schedule.
A Week Later
I'm off the wagon again but at least aware and making concerted effort to leave phone in my car where it will not tempt me.