Every Bride Needs Something Blue

Tales Of An Educated Debutante

on life, loss and the joy that rules the day.


 
 
 
 
 




 
The future is far away and scary, but today is lovely.

Adrian H. Wood, PhD


Plans Go To Pot

Monday, December 24, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
Plans Go To Pot

It never fails that as soon as I make some sort of plan, everything goes to pot. I mean, we were all showered and dressed in reasonable attire. Russell untucked his blazer from his pants as we walked to church (his older brother had told him that was what people do to look fancy on Christmas Eve) and we were hardly late. No sooner do we waltz into church and get settled in the balcony when five year old Amos comes one inch from pinging my phone over the balcony. Autism and chur ..

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Christmas Eve

Monday, December 24, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve and though visions of sugarplums dance in my head, children argue over Xbox remotes and steal my phone. It’s Christmas Eve and though I planned a yummy breakfast, I served up some mini wheats in paper bowls. It’s Christmas Eve and when I mentioned going to church, my family acted like I was shipping them to prison- I mean, it’s Monday, they cried. It’s Christmas Eve and though I imagine a family bike ride, we are all splayed on the couch eating a Food Lio ..

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Walking the Plank to Christmas Break

Friday, December 21, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
Walking the Plank to Christmas Break

Yep. The last day of freedom to accomplish anything is evaporating as we speak. I am waving a white flag, to the powers that be, for suggestions next year. 1. Am I the only mother out there feeling totally insane and overwhelmed? Just say yes. If only to offer my crazed self camaraderie. 2. Christmas cards should be outlawed. The expense and the time required from start to finish perpetuate extreme insanity in the month of December, especially for people who forget to add t ..

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A Letter to the Teachers

Thursday, December 20, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
A Letter to the Teachers

You can almost taste your freedom and I’m in a total panic. Not even one whole day left and I ponder my life after 12:30pm. I mean, why did I have children in the first place? They’re about to be all mine for two whole weeks and I didn’t even get you a present. Would you be okay if I send in a crumpled $20? I mean, I know it’s tacky as Hell, but I’m just not creative. I think you’re worth at least a mortgage payment, quite truthfully. I don’t how  ..

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‘Twas the week before Christmas

Tuesday, December 18, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
‘Twas the week before Christmas

‘Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the house Enough shit was strewn to bury a small mouse. The stockings were slung by the chimney with care, By a nine year old girl who cried the number of presents unfair. The children protested going to bed each night, Until their mother threatened them within an inch of their life. Dad watching football, as I moved the dang elf, Under my breath, cursing his lazy self. When out in the yard there arose such a clatter,  ..

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The Best Christmas Letter Ever

Monday, December 17, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
The Best Christmas Letter Ever

2018 was not terribly exciting. The kids are doing well in school. Ready for Harvard? I don’t know, but we really like their teachers. Thomas, 12, made the middle school soccer team and though he’s not the best, he likes playing. Russell, 11, got his first B and took it pretty well. He is slowly mastering the need for punctuation. Blair, 9, has grown an inch, measures herself daily, and sees me as little more than her crappy hairdresser. Amos recently turned fiv ..

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To the Moms

Friday, June 22, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
To the Moms

It’s almost Mother’s Day... Here’s to the moms wearing their clothes from yesterday. Here’s to the moms who wallow on couches strewn with goldfish and drown in sweaty boys and hands sticky from daddy’s pancakes. Here’s to the moms wondering how in the Hell anything is supposed to happen on a holiday for mothers that doesn’t actually require them to plan, cook, shop, orchestrate. Here’s to the moms thinking that motherhood has sucked them dry of motivation and accomplishment ..

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Summer Vacation Begins

Tuesday, June 12, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
Summer Vacation Begins

1. If you touch his chair one more time, you’ll be on a ferry to four week camp by this weekend. 2. It’s not really your birthday, I’m the one who did all the work. 3. You are going to floss. 4. Y’all are the reason that mothers don’t get in the pool. 5. Do not speak. 6. Quit telling him to stop talking. 7. Please stop touching me. 8. You just ate. 9. Turn off that television. 10. I was not put on this earth to entertain you. Bonus: Y’all are being awful. ..

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Dear Teachers

Wednesday, June 06, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
Dear Teachers

Dear Teachers, We are a wreck. Our freedom is coming to an end and though some of us pretend to be merry sprites, they are either splendid liars or work outside the home. Go ahead, parents, deny my message, but I shan’t be silenced. I am a wreck. An absolute mess. And to top it all off, I feel guilty for lamenting a summer with my children. I mean, I like them, but they drive me bonkers and the combination of them is downright painful. I am not cut out t ..

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September vs. May

Tuesday, May 01, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
September vs. May

1. Plans to accomplish a mountain of tasks vs. hyper-focusing on the release of my scamps. 2. Adherence to a strict schedule vs. binge watching Downton Abbey. 3. Grocery shopping vs. marveling at the non-perishables available at Roses. 4. Meal planning and cooking vs. takeout rotation between MacDonalds and Shun Xing. 5. The world is my oyster vs. I wish I had a fry daddy to cook up some oysters. 6. A nice break from alcohol vs. rum punch sounds perfectly respectable for ..

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