Every Bride Needs Something Blue

Tales Of An Educated Debutante

on life, loss and the joy that rules the day.


 
 
 
 
 




 
The future is far away and scary, but today is lovely.

Adrian H. Wood, PhD


To the Moms

Friday, June 22, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
To the Moms

It’s almost Mother’s Day... Here’s to the moms wearing their clothes from yesterday. Here’s to the moms who wallow on couches strewn with goldfish and drown in sweaty boys and hands sticky from daddy’s pancakes. Here’s to the moms wondering how in the Hell anything is supposed to happen on a holiday for mothers that doesn’t actually require them to plan, cook, shop, orchestrate. Here’s to the moms thinking that motherhood has sucked them dry of motivation and accomplishment ..

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Dear Teachers

Wednesday, June 06, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
Dear Teachers

Dear Teachers, We are a wreck. Our freedom is coming to an end and though some of us pretend to be merry sprites, they are either splendid liars or work outside the home. Go ahead, parents, deny my message, but I shan’t be silenced. I am a wreck. An absolute mess. And to top it all off, I feel guilty for lamenting a summer with my children. I mean, I like them, but they drive me bonkers and the combination of them is downright painful. I am not cut out t ..

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September vs. May

Tuesday, May 01, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
September vs. May

1. Plans to accomplish a mountain of tasks vs. hyper-focusing on the release of my scamps. 2. Adherence to a strict schedule vs. binge watching Downton Abbey. 3. Grocery shopping vs. marveling at the non-perishables available at Roses. 4. Meal planning and cooking vs. takeout rotation between MacDonalds and Shun Xing. 5. The world is my oyster vs. I wish I had a fry daddy to cook up some oysters. 6. A nice break from alcohol vs. rum punch sounds perfectly respectable for ..

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North Carolina Weather Update

Wednesday, January 17, 2018 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
North Carolina Weather Update

North Carolina Weather Update Here we go. Bad news, again. Yep, school is cancelled for tomorrow. I repeat, if you live in NC, make a stiff drink, forget about bedtime, and don’t bother with signing those dern folders. What about school tomorrow? You wonder. Your kids ain’t goin’. How do you know? Where did you hear? Is this definite? Yes. Yes. Yes. Though I am not a school official (unless you count ex-PTA President), I am an amateur scientific snow- ..

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Ten Things Women Want for Christmas or Hanukkah

Thursday, December 21, 2017 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
Ten Things Women Want for Christmas or Hanukkah

1. A weekend alone in the house. I know, it’s so cheap and yet, you could be the hero that saved the holidays. 2. A weekend alone somewhere good. Now, good is a wide stretch. I count good as going to my parents house, the Hampton Inn, and (though I have no personal experience), The Ritz-Carlton or a quaint cottage by the sea for a week would leave me forever indebted. Hell, the motel 6 sounds awfully cushy this week. 3. Sleep. An hour here and there, maybe a fre ..

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A Letter to the Teachers

Tuesday, December 19, 2017 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
A Letter to the Teachers

You can smell your freedom and I’m in a total panic. Not even two whole days left and I ponder my life. I mean, why did I have children in the first place? Will you be okay if I send in a crumpled $20 bill? I mean, I know it’s tacky as Hell, but I’m just not creative. You know that I think you’re worth at least a mortgage payment, don’t you? I don’t how you do it and go ahead and laugh at me, but I used to be one of those who wistfully longed for a “teacher s ..

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Christmas Spiral

Saturday, December 16, 2017 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
Christmas Spiral

I am officially drowning in the Christmas Spiral epidemic. I mean, a full on collapse of the Tower of Pisa. While you mo fos are pretending to be naughty elves, I’m pondering writing your names on voodoo dolls. Y’all are wrapping presents and listening to Christmas carols and I’m blaring Violent Femmes and digging boxes out of the dumpster behind the liquor store. Everyone looks so fresh and nice and I’m trapped in the car at Hardee’s because I have on no bra, hand m ..

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Ten Signs of Being at One’s Holiday Wits End

Wednesday, December 13, 2017 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
Ten Signs of Being at One’s Holiday Wits End

Ten Signs of Being at One’s Holiday Wits End I am officially cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. 1. Christmas is love, we sang in Sunday school, as I jabbed Russell with a confiscated toothpick for not singing. 2. When said child states they don’t feel well, I respond that they are going to school tomorrow. Example of conversation below. Me: Russell, you are going to school tomorrow. Russell: Not if I’m dead. Me: That’s true. You can stay home if you’re dead. 3. The ..

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A Letter to the Perfect Moms

Tuesday, November 28, 2017 Adrian H. Wood Comments (0)
A Letter to the Perfect Moms

You people are wearing me out. Not just me, but all of us, as in all the moms out there who just tell it like it is. It’s called being real and honest and yes, the truth really does set you freeand the lot of us? Well, we have conceded defeat. Have I piqued your interest? Can I convince you to cross over to the other side? Please, lay down your social media magic wands and join us. Don't act all innocent, you know very well of your trickery. Those perfect photos, the mouths open in ..

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Ten Parenting Hacks for A Good School Year

Tuesday, August 08, 2017 Adrian H. Wood Comments (1)
Ten Parenting Hacks for A Good School Year

Considering teacher letters were delivered in our small town today, I'm sharing my best hacks to ensure a great year. 1. Do not complain about who your child has gotten for a teacher. Be willing to give said person a fair shake, no calling the principal or other administrator and no Facebook rants. Absolutely no exceptions. 2. Email your child’s teacher and introduce yourself. It is good manners to say hello and tell them you're excited for the school year. 3. As ..

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