Tales Of An Educated Debutante
on life, loss and the joy that rules the day.






























The future is far away and scary, but today is lovely.
Adrian H. Wood, PhD
The Tides of Life
The tides of life affect us all, every single one. They have, they will, they did. In ways we least expect it and thus, explaining the very definition of life. None of us will escape the surface devastation of these life tides, not one. We will all be affected by death, illness, hurt feelings, divorce, environmental disaster, and children or perhaps the lack of children and many of us will carry the painful baggage left behind, strewn on our hearts. The wonderful was of life includes the col ..
Read moreTo Those Who Have Lost A Sibling
I thought of you today. If this holiday, National Siblings Day, went unnoticed by you then I am envious. I was not aware of it myself until the innocent and seemingly harmless Facebook scroll with my morning coffee, a chance to gain peace before I attacked the task of getting four children ready for church. The word sibling always makes me think of two things, my four children and my older brother. The one sibling I had, my brother Adam and forever nineteen, has been gone for nearly twenty s ..
Read moreWhen You're Still Waiting to Heal From Your Sibling's Passing 25 Years Later
Over 30 years old and a faithful winter companion to me the last 10 years or so. Wool — far before SmartWool or other faddish brands appeared — gray, a bit tight around the middle of my foot and thick up to the middle of my shin. Ever so thin on the bottom that I felt a need to protect them, these ragged socks. Preservation? Why would I want to, you wonder? Of course, they are part of the story, grasping onto my most important, tragic and heartbreaking paper clip. Adam. The brother who r ..
Read moreA Letter To My Lost Sibling
I thought of you today. Every single day since you’ve been gone, to be truthful. It’s been 9,393 since that bright sunny day in July, a month before your twentieth birthday when the brain tumors swallowed you whole. I imagine what you may say to me, or even about me, if you were here today. Would you be proud of the little girl, the sister who was left behind, that has grown up into a woman? I’m a wife and a mother now of four precious children, and still a faithful daughter to the pare ..
Read moreChoosing Joy
Nothing is more disarming than seeing someone from your past in a place where you least expect. I find this type of occurrence much like being frightened when someone pops out of a closet, alarming to your clueless self. Typically, this type of flashback has not been pleasurable for me, often the person may remember you and you don't remember them though they quiz you on their identity and the not knowing is torture. In this case, it was a happy surprise accompanied with a flash flood of em ..
Read moreThe Last Year
In the back of my closet, I have an old yellow notebook entitled "Exam Notebook", tucked away the last two decades in an anonymous tupperware container, now smoky clear. The notebooks' still bright title is written in the childish scrawl of my own twelve year old hand. The very first page still makes me smile, a short list of my family members and a number beside their name and the word gifts. I remember counting the presents under the tree each year but had no recollection about my written ..
Read moreThe Ultimate Betrayal
A Brother Lost: A Sister's Journey Chapter 5 The Ultimate Betrayal It came once I thought I had it all figured out. Oh, I was so very wrong, very very wrong. I can remember precisely how I processed and justified the death of my only sibling. I would tell myself repeatedly, for what reason I can not say, that everyone has something bad happen in their lives and I had just gotten mine a little earlier than most. Truly, I then would reassure myself that at least I didn' ..
Read moreThese Socks
Over thirty years old and a faithful winter companion to me the last ten years or so. Wool, far before Smart Wool or other faddish brands appeared, gray, a bit tight around the middle of my foot and thick up to the middle of my shin. Ever so thin on the bottom that I felt a need to protect them, these ragged socks. Preservation? Why would I want to, you wonder? Of course, they are part of the story, grasping on to my most important, tragic and heartbreaking paper clip. Adam. Th ..
Read moreThe Calm Before The Storm
I think having children opens up a world of wonder and love beyond our wildest imagination. With those gifts, comes hurt, worry, sorrow and potential horrific heartbreak. In my deepest part, as much as I longed to be a mother, there was a part of me that felt I could or should not offer myself up to such devastation. You see, I had watched my parents lose their only son as I simultaneously lost my brother, my only sibling. The word "only" is important to me in ways I can not adequat ..
Read moreDefining Family
A Brother Lost: A Sister's Journey Defining Family The Third Chapter Family. Webster's defines family as quite simply, "a group of people who are related to each other, a person's children, or a group of related people including people who lived in the past". Nice and neat by verbal parameters but so lacking when applied to real life. At least for me. My brother was obviously a member of my family but had been gone so long that living in the past just sounds too cut a ..
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