Tales Of An Educated Debutante
on life, loss and the joy that rules the day.






























The future is far away and scary, but today is lovely.
Adrian H. Wood, PhD
The Boy Who Made Me a Mother
The Boy Who Made Me a Mother It was you. I was instantly besotted by you, a dark headed son, five pounds, one ounce, nearly five weeks early. My heart would never be the same. I cradled you in my arms and thought to myself, I can’t believe they’re going to just let us leave with him. For good reason, our big old furnace had run out of oil and so, we wrapped you in a fleece blanket and handed over a credit card to warm you that cold December day. Jaundice, dehydration, my m ..
Read moreThe Best Christmas Letter Ever
2018 was not terribly exciting. The kids are doing well in school. Ready for Harvard? I don’t know, but we really like their teachers. Thomas, 12, made the middle school soccer team and though he’s not the best, he likes playing. Russell, 11, got his first B and took it pretty well. He is slowly mastering the need for punctuation. Blair, 9, has grown an inch, measures herself daily, and sees me as little more than her crappy hairdresser. Amos recently turned fiv ..
Read moreThe Christmas Pagent
The pageant is today and I have the sheep with autism. I woke up worrying, worrying and praying that five year old Amos would participate and not make a big scene. Please, don’t tell me that it’s fine and no one minds if he’s destructive or has a big fit because the phone doesn’t play railway vehicles. You see, I mind. I long for him to be included, but not because it’s the right thing to do. Inclusion is such a tricky thing because it’s not just the being a part of ..
Read moreIt's Not Enough
Hania, My thoughts have swirled with little else but you. Your funeral was a week ago and since then, we have learned your death was not just an evil tragedy, but a sorrowful culmination of human error. Of course, you were captured by your rapist and killer, over a month ago, but your fate was secured by a disk of evidence that vanished. It’s not enough. The district attorney has expressed his sorrow and regret. The police have acknowledged their ineptness, how the m ..
Read moreNo Words
I’m angry this morning, but most of all, sad. It shouldn’t matter WHO is raped or WHERE they live or WHAT they do, but in Lumberton, it does. According to FBI crime data from 2016, residents there have a 1 in 55 chance of being raped, assaulted or killed. Terrible things happen on this earth every single day, but none are worse than the events that could have easily been prevented. A thirteen year old NC girl was abducted, raped and murdered and it was totally preventa ..
Read moreHania’s Mother
I wonder if her heart broke all over again. The loss of a child is surely the greatest hurt and yet, the manner of which it occurs plays a pivotal role on the heart. I watched my parents grieve their son, a 19 year old boy whose life was snuffed out by cancer and it was so very hard. What if he had been kidnapped? Raped? Murdered? There are no words. Like many, I imagine, Hania’s mother has been so present in my thoughts. Yesterday, as she buried her thirteen y ..
Read moreDear Mr. President
Dear Mr. President, I’m sorry to bother you, but I know you’ve heard of the little girl named Hania Aguilar. She was just thirteen years old and lived in my state of North Carolina, a United States citizen just waiting for her ride to middle school. Instead, she was kidnapped and after a desperate three week search, her body was found. The FBI is hopeful that her murderer will be found and meanwhile, her family is planning a funeral for Saturday. Cely, her mother, wants verymuch for ..
Read moreLessons From My Mother
Pretty is as pretty does, she gently reminded me. Funner is not a word, she reprimanded me with a smile. If you tell the truth, you don't have so much to remember, I find myself repeating to my perplexed children. You look great, she speaks with utmost sincerity even when I was nine months pregnant or swollen with steroids so many years ago. I'm excited, she offers whenever we make a plan to do something just the two of us. Life's not fair, she said firmly when my nine ..
Read moreTraditions
Our traditions aren’t spectacular. We don’t do the same thing for every holiday, at the same place, or even at the same time. We switch it up. Not so much on purpose, but that’s just the way life seems. Some years, we go here for Thanksgiving and other years, we go there. Sometimes, we stay put. Christmas is much the same way. We’ve been home or gone visiting grandparents. One year, not so long ago, I realized a few days before Christmas that I had forgotten to get our p ..
Read moreFeeding the Hungry
It’s December and I’ve done little to get ready for Christmas We did get our tree up and threw out some nutcrackers, but not much else. No set plans. No Christmas cards ordered. No gifts purchased. Christmas is right around the corner and I just can’t seem to get it all together. We don’t need anything, but it’s hard to convince children of that. I struggle with how to not let material crap take hold of what is a lovely season. Today, we gathered at St Paul's Episcopal ( ..
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