1. I start dinner first thing in the morning.
This is a phenomena that puzzles me. I just can't make the lunches, schlep the breakfast and start dinner. These people should be given their own sidewalk squares.
2. I make their lunches at night.
I try this, every school year, I try and then concede defeat. I'm just so tired that starting another meal after finishing dinner clean up.
3. I have my children make their own lunches.
This is even more offensive. No only am I lazy but I am empowering lazy children.
4. I have a chore chart.
Ugh. Just stop it already. A chore chart? I have alarms going off to remind me to pick up my children at school in the afternoons. Being committed to a chore chart feels like a new career path.
5. I make sure to give them each one on one time every week.
How? How is this possible? I know that there are 168 hours in the week, at least I think, but my free time amounts to about 3.
6. I exercise early in the morning.
Help me. Exercise before the onslaught of the daily preparation that looms in my mind? I just can not do anything else but drink instant coffee and check my newsfeed.
7. I have my children help me at the grocery store.
I would like to hire your children. I could use some examples for my motley crew who fight, sneak things in the cart, run over other shoppers with mini-carts, and could not be any more less helpful.
8. I brush my children's teeth.
This takes the cake. I do manage sunscreen smearing on four wriggly people each day throughout the summer but then to chase them with toothbrushes and toothpaste that people act like is flaming arsenic?
9. I read with them individually each night.
In my defense, I did use to do this, when I had one child. Over the years, reading books has fallen to the wayside and I deem it a very special treat. My own mini research study to see if my children can be successful without a mother that follows a beneficial routine in the saving of her own sanity.
10. I don't let them use electronics during the week.
I just don't understand how anyone succeeds at this unless they were to burn them up in a celebratory bonfire. Seriously, I hide remotes, disconnect cable, send iPads away and still, they manage to defeat me, just like the dinosaurs of Jurassic Park.
Just smile and give me a high five when I claim some small success and please don't make kind suggestions. Just let me be me.