I have several dear friends, perhaps a half dozen or so people that know me and adore me despite it all. Those friends walk the mile, listen to me, encourage, cheer for my special needs son and are the ones who live lives where I can walk in the back door and find myself a glass of wine or bag of Cheezits, usually both. Those friends are my treasures.
Friendships have ebbed and flowed over the years and in retrospect, the old friendships have a patina to them that doesn't always travel with new. I like new too though. I love nothing more than connecting with a new soul, someone that I can share a fresh slate with and doesn't know my sharp tongued self or sarcastic nature. I count the old and new friends as treasures, those folks I can speak to every day or a month in between and it's like we never left.
These days I have taken to myself, not in a strange sort of way I hope, but I certainly have been introspective, particularly the last few months. I wonder if my friends think I have forgotten them. I don't call as often, drop in a bit less and this summer I have been largely incognito. I have needed the space, not from them, but for me and from myself.
I've taken the last two months to think, really think and quite often. I have written a good bit too but much of the time, I am near Amos, following him as he explores or playing with him in the pool, cuddling him in my lap. When I am able to extricate myself from his grasp, I try to spend a few rare minutes with my other children. A quick dip in the ocean, a game of tic tac toe, a question and answer session with my oldest son, all time in the moment but also contemplation.
I haven't forgotten my friends though. If anything, I have had time to think about the relationships I have invested in over the years and what kind of friend I am or should be. Less is not necessarily more and for me, a small circle works well. The crazy days of the last school year and the constant watch of an adventurous Amos has left little time for chit chat, but I think I'm better this way. I've always spoken too quickly and so, the time for quiet has been a gift that I will accept. Always with joy.