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Tales Of An Educated Debutante

on life, loss and the joy that rules the day.


The future is far away and scary, but today is lovely.

Adrian H. Wood, PhD

Stop the Judging

Stop the Judging

Monday, April 17, 2017 Adrian Wood Comments (2)

I've had it. I've just had it. What is the world coming to and who are all these perfect parents? Come out, come out, wherever you are. I want to talk to you and I mean business. The latest incident beckoning the judgers was a terrible tragedy for a NC family visiting a restaurant in Atlanta. I don't know about you, but I want folks to know that NC protects our own, empathetic and loving always. This HB2 nonsense has given us enough of a bad rap and I'm unwilling to sit by and let us stoop to an even lower level- parent judging.

How dare anyone criticize a family who is making funeral arrangements today. If you're not a parent, then I can excuse you a bit more easily. If you are a parent? Then you are clearly insane for thinking that your good parenting has kept your kids alive. Nope, you're no different than the rest of us, all the parents that got lucky one time too many. You were saved, by God I think, but that's just me. I close my eyes and can't count the number of times my children have skirted death. One didn't have her seatbelt buckled, but we made it to school. Our special needs two year old escaped our yard and crossed two streets, the police brought him home. My middle son, I left him at a restaurant and he ran after the car and was getting ready to cross the highway when someone stopped him. My daughter, I took my eyes off her for a moment, and I thought the ocean had swallowed her whole. Then, she came walking back from the house where she had gone without my knowledge.

I am a terrible parent, you may say. I'm not going to argue with you. I could be so much better. We can all be so much better, but no matter your best intentions, perfection will escape you. It is as concrete of a law in our universe as one that ever existed. You could be next and you will be next, but maybe like me, you'll get a save that you don't deserve. Try to remember that what if next time, that close call, that time that all was well that ended well and remember your own vulnerability. Don't judge, don't you dare. You send love and prayers to a family and tell a mother, no different than yourself, I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

Anonymous commented on 19-Apr-2017 05:17 PM
My heart goes out to this family. You hit the nail on the head, this family needs love not judgement. I have lost a child and cannot imagine what this family is already putting themselves through. They do not need to be tried in the court of public opinion. What they need is an embrace from humanity; today, tomorrow and forever moving forward. Thank you for using your voice when I know they don't have the strength to have their own. Pray for them, pray they will give themselves grace, pray they will find their light in the darkness, pray they will find peace. And pray for those who judge too.
Deborah Chrystal commented on 20-Apr-2017 03:57 PM
Thank you for writing this. As I have aged I have learned a lot about "judging". When I was a "single" teacher of special needs kids I had "expectations" of my parents. Then I got married and I changed, then I became a parent, and things changed again, then we began to foster special needs kids, and boy did those "expectations" change!! Being on the receiving end of thoughts about ways to "engage" my profoundly disabled son to "meet" home assistance with inane IEP goals.....really at 6AM you want me to work on eye gaze to have him choose clothing he could care less about? So I would say, take the plank out of your own eye folks...perhaps offer to lend a hand, hold a squalling baby, divert the special needs kid having a melt down, engage the other kids while the parent may need to restrain the tantruming child, but for gosh sakes..don't judge...there by the grace of God people...

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