Every Bride Needs Something Blue

Tales Of An Educated Debutante

on life, loss and the joy that rules the day.


The future is far away and scary, but today is lovely.

Adrian H. Wood, PhD



Thursday, March 30, 2017 Adrian Wood Comments (4)

Today was the first time I have taken a cab to a doctor's appointment in a great big city.

Today was the first time I got to really know the heart of a genetics researcher and as my son noted as being quite significant, the first person we have met to go to the national spelling bee.

Today was the first time I saw a neurologist kneel done to speak to Amos after coming to fetch us herself from the waiting room.

Today was the first time I heard the word autism and trusted the messenger.

Today was the first time I met a geneticist who said to me, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is it that you find a diagnosis for Amos?"

Today was the first time I felt like maybe, just maybe, I had found our tribe.

Today was the first time that I sat in appointments and wept, though I didn't feel ashamed, just a combination of terrible heartache and relief.

Today was the first time I listened to a physician talk about how she thinks Amos' brain is wired differently than the rest of us.

Today was the first time I could understand how survival makes some people choose to pretend everything is fine.

Today was the first time I felt someone knew what they were telling me and that it was likely quite accurate.

Today was the first time I realized that a diagnosis can't touch the love I have for Amos.

Today was the first time I have regretted promising to share my heart and write my truths.

Today was the first time kind brilliance shared that this boy's puzzle is far more mysterious than I had imagined.

Today I leave you with words that don't do justice for the sobs that bite my throat, nor the thankfulness that oozes from my eyes as I watch the loveliest boy sleep beside me, but I can not offer more.

Today I will rest and process, weep and feel heavy, love and hold tightly, and guard my hurt heart for a bit of grieving.

Tomorrow, I shall start again.

Anonymous commented on 30-Mar-2017 09:28 PM
As hard as it is to hear it - sometimes knowing a diagnosis is better than not knowing what is wrong.

love you
Newsletter Signup commented on 30-Mar-2017 10:05 PM
My dear Adrian, I've just thanked God for his love and protection for you and Amos. I am thankful that you have found the right doctor, the one God has sent you. I pray that God will give you rest and peace. You've already said it, no diagnosis changes your love for that wonderful, intelligent little man. His brain may be wired differently but I can still envision the awesome things to come. Take care,
Newsletter Signup commented on 30-Mar-2017 10:06 PM
Heart wrenching but so true. Thank you for your honesty, Mom!
Carol S. commented on 31-Mar-2017 12:46 AM
Amos and your family have a tribe behind and with you that is larger than you can imagine. I'm praying for you tonight, no words I can think to write, just tender mercy be yours.

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